its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
