Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
