he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
