Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
