I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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