The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
