He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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