We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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