I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
