I wish my penis had an off switch
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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