hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
