You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
