There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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