I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
