i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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