then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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