we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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