Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
