so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
