so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?