i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"