Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
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Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga