White coat. Heels.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
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Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
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I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™