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She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
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