so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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