Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
