some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
