My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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