you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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