no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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