Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
