sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize