if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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