just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
