K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
