Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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