So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
