There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
