i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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