even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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