Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
