Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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