I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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