Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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