you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
