oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
