Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize