after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Even my vagina gasped.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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