dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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