I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize