Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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