she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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