either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
