Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
do herpes really smell.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You're a disaster
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