it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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