don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
