hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I have fence marks all over my body
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
