It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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