He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
