just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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