do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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