I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
