jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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