he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
