Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
