so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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