So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
