Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
