wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
