I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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