did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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