yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
