Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
