There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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