i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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