That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
