It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
