My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were trust falling into bushes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
