Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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