I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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