Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
