I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
