does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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