My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
