I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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